Mandy Sayer’s latest memoir, No Dancing in the Lift, delves into the complexities of her relationship with her father, Gerry Sayer, against the backdrop of his terminal cancer diagnosis in 1999. This book, part of a series, reflects on their uniquely close bond and Sayer’s journey as she navigates her father’s final months while also exploring her own emotional landscape.
The memoir opens ten days after Gerry’s death, with Sayer sorting through his belongings in his apartment located in Sydney’s harbourside area of The Rocks. The space is filled with remnants of his vibrant life, including a drum kit, marked-up racing guides, and photographs of their performances together. These images capture moments from the 1940s and 1950s, showcasing Gerry as a jazz drummer and highlighting the lively connection between father and daughter.
Sayer’s earlier works, including Dreamtime Alice and Velocity, set the stage for her current narrative. In Dreamtime Alice, she recounts her early years busking in cities like New York and New Orleans with Gerry, while Velocity reflects on her tumultuous childhood following her parents’ separation. In The Poet’s Wife, she explores her challenging marriage to an African American poet, further enriching her story.
With No Dancing in the Lift, Sayer completes her memoir series by intertwining key memories from her previous works. The narrative does not merely focus on grief; instead, it presents a parallel story of new beginnings as Sayer finds love with playwright Louis Nowra. This duality allows her to challenge the conventional grief memoirs, portraying a journey that encompasses both heartache and hope.
As Sayer reflects on her father’s passing, she recalls the emotional burden of witnessing his decline. Gerry, who had always been more like a playful brother than a traditional father, had a profound impact on her life. His refusal to adhere to adult responsibilities created a complicated dynamic, where Sayer often sought approval through performance and creativity. Although she acknowledges the joy he brought, she also grapples with the consequences of their enmeshed relationship.
Throughout her memoir, Sayer confronts the complexities of her upbringing. She reveals the extent to which Gerry shaped her identity, often at the cost of her independence. The memoir hints at a transgressive nature within their relationship, raising questions about parental roles and boundaries. Sayer recalls moments of intimacy and dependency that blur the lines of a typical father-daughter relationship, prompting readers to reflect on the nuances of love and acceptance.
The memoir captures significant moments in Sayer’s life, including her struggles with her first husband and the impact of her father’s carefree approach to life. Despite the challenges she faces, Sayer emerges as a resilient figure, finding solace in her writing and her relationship with Nowra. The narrative evolves from one of uncertainty to a celebration of love, culminating in her marriage to Nowra three years after Gerry’s death.
As Sayer navigates her father’s illness, she confronts her own fears and uncertainties. The emotional weight of caring for Gerry becomes a central theme, as she balances her responsibilities with her desire for a fulfilling life. The memoir does not shy away from the darker aspects of their relationship, acknowledging the moments where Gerry’s self-centeredness overshadowed his role as a caregiver.
In the end, No Dancing in the Lift serves as both a tribute to Gerry and an exploration of Sayer’s journey toward self-discovery. It highlights the intricate dance between love and loss, ultimately revealing the enduring bond that shapes her identity. With an engaging narrative style, Sayer invites readers to reflect on their relationships and the complexities that define them.
The memoir, rich with vivid storytelling, showcases Sayer’s talent for weaving personal experiences into universal themes of love, resilience, and the search for identity. As she embraces her past and looks toward the future, Sayer’s journey resonates with anyone who has experienced the intricate dynamics of familial love and loss.
