On All Souls’ Day, the memories of loved ones who have passed resonate with those left behind. Gemma Di Bari, a teacher and writer from Melbourne, reflects on the enduring bond she shared with a dear friend who recently died. Their friendship, forged over three decades, is celebrated through shared experiences and cherished memories.
A Lasting Connection Through Grief
At her father’s funeral, Di Bari experienced the comforting embrace of her friend, a moment that provided solace during profound grief. This bond became evident once again when Di Bari found herself as a pallbearer at her friend’s funeral, a poignant reminder of their journey together. “As I reflect, I remember and she is there,” Di Bari states, highlighting how memories keep the essence of loved ones alive.
Their friendship began in year 2, and from that point on, they navigated the trials and triumphs of primary and secondary school together. Even as they moved in and out of each other’s lives after year 12, the connection formed during those formative years remained strong. Di Bari recalls how a few bars of Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata can evoke vivid memories of her friend, who often played the piece, filling their spaces with music.
Music as a Bridge to the Past
In 2008, while teaching the novel Maestro by Peter Goldsworthy, Di Bari played Moonlight Sonata for her students, hoping to create a similar connection to the text that she had experienced years earlier. “I wanted them to have the same mesmerizing moment that I too had had when I first heard it,” she explains, demonstrating how music can link generations and foster understanding.
Di Bari emphasizes that when someone we love passes away, their physical absence does not equate to their disappearance from our lives. She finds her friend’s presence in old photographs, such as their year 6 and year 11 class pictures, and in the literature they studied together. Works by Emily Dickinson and Robert Frost, along with novels like Crime and Punishment and King Lear, serve as reminders of their shared experiences.
Quoting theologian John Cassian, Di Bari reflects, “The bond between friends cannot be broken by chance; no interval of time or space can destroy it. Not even death itself can part true friends.” This sentiment encapsulates her belief that true friendships endure, transcending time and even death.
As Di Bari continues to remember her friend, she embraces the idea that love and connection remain unbroken. Through music, literature, and the memories they created together, her friend lives on in her heart and mind. On this All Souls’ Day, Di Bari’s reflections serve as a powerful reminder of the lasting impact of friendship and the enduring nature of love.
