A recent study has highlighted the importance of language choice in conveying sincere apologies, suggesting that longer words can enhance the perceived sincerity of remorse. Researchers found that individuals tend to interpret apologies as more meaningful when the apologiser uses elaborate vocabulary, indicating a greater effort to express regret. This study underscores the complexities involved in delivering an effective apology, particularly in high-stakes situations.
According to Dr. Tara Quinn-Cirillo, a registered psychologist and associate fellow of the British Psychological Society, the difficulty in saying “sorry” stems from admitting vulnerability. “Even if we might understand that what we did or said wasn’t OK, it’s still very hard because it’s admitting vulnerability,” she explained. Many people struggle with this admission, as it can feel unsafe and expose personal weaknesses.
Effective Apologies: The Good, the Bad, and the Insincere
Analyzing notable examples of public apologies can provide valuable lessons on what to do and what to avoid.
One widely criticized apology occurred when actors Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis penned letters advocating for a lighter sentence for their former co-star Danny Masterson, who had been convicted of rape. Their subsequent video apology, featuring alternating lines from both actors, failed to resonate. “We are aware of the pain that has been caused…” began Kutcher, while Kunis added, “We support victims…” Many observers concluded that their words lacked genuine remorse.
In contrast, former Labour chief secretary to the Treasury Liam Byrne offered a more heartfelt apology in a column for the Guardian. He expressed deep regret over leaving a note for his successor in 2010, stating, “I’m sorry there is no money left.” Byrne acknowledged the harm caused by the note, which had been used by incoming Prime Minister David Cameron to blame the Labour Party for austerity measures. While some commenters felt Byrne was being too hard on himself, his apology demonstrated an awareness of the damage done.
Patterns of Insincerity in Apologies
Dr. Quinn-Cirillo points out that many people deliver insincere apologies, often using the word “sorry” as a means to escape uncomfortable situations without any real commitment to change their behavior. One notable example is former Prime Minister Boris Johnson, who repeatedly issued apologies during the Covid-19 lockdowns yet struggled to convey genuine remorse. Later, Johnson retracted his apologies in his memoir, describing them as “pathetic” and “grovelling.”
Even apologies that contain the word “sorry” may lack sincerity. Harvey Weinstein issued a statement following allegations of sexual assault, claiming, “I appreciate the way I’ve behaved with colleagues in the past has caused a lot of pain and I sincerely apologise for it.” Despite his words, he quickly shifted blame, indicating a lack of genuine contrition.
The concept of a “better late than never” apology also raises questions about sincerity. In March 2008, the city of Florence publicly acknowledged its mistake in exiling the poet Dante in 1302. However, Count Pieralvise Serego Alighieri, a descendant of Dante, declined to attend a ceremony meant to commemorate the apology, deeming it insincere.
In a similar vein, the Catholic Church conceded in 1996 that Galileo Galilei was correct about the heliocentric model of the solar system. Yet, rather than offering a heartfelt apology, the Church merely acknowledged its past errors. Galileo had been forced to recant his findings under threat of torture, leaving many to question the authenticity of the Church’s acknowledgment.
The study on the impact of language in apologies reveals a nuanced understanding of remorse. As Dr. Quinn-Cirillo notes, a genuine apology requires insight, reflection, and a commitment to change behavior. The struggle to express true remorse remains a challenge for many, and the way one articulates an apology can significantly influence how it is received. Understanding these dynamics can lead to more impactful and sincere expressions of regret in both personal and public contexts.
