Amid personal grief and health challenges, Carol Lefevre discovered the transformative practice of tai chi, which helped her navigate loss and anxiety. Following the deaths of her mother and aunt, along with the aftermath of cancer surgery, Lefevre sought solace in a tai chi class offered at her local community centre. The decision stemmed from a deep, instinctive need for physical movement to address her emotional turmoil rather than relying solely on words or therapy.
Lefevre’s journey into tai chi began with impulsive enrollment in a class after noticing a sign during a walk. With the weight of grief hanging over her, she felt the need for a different approach to manage her emotions. The loss of her mother and aunt left a significant void, compounded by the lingering fear of cancer recurrence. Nights were often filled with unease, as thoughts of health and loss intertwined, pushing her towards a search for relief.
Reflecting on her emotional state, Lefevre identified moments of unexpected tears that surfaced in various situations, including while walking or driving. This overwhelming sorrow was reminiscent of the experiences shared by writers like Deborah Levy and Joan Didion, both of whom explored themes of grief in their works. For Lefevre, these literary connections provided comfort, affirming her feelings of despair and the need for change.
As she dove deeper into tai chi, Lefevre learned that the practice’s roots trace back to ancient China, where it was developed by figures such as the Taoist master Chang San-feng. Known for its meditative qualities, tai chi emphasizes balance, relaxation, and the flow of energy—concepts that resonated with Lefevre’s quest for healing.
Research indicates that tai chi has a range of health benefits, including improvements in mood and emotional regulation. In 2020, it was added to UNESCO’s Intangible Cultural Heritage list, underscoring its significance in promoting physical and mental well-being. Studies have shown that tai chi can help those suffering from conditions like Parkinson’s disease and multiple sclerosis, enhancing their quality of life.
In her first class, Lefevre faced feelings of awkwardness, surrounded by seasoned practitioners who flowed through movements with ease. This initial experience, however, was softened by the community atmosphere, where beginners were welcomed and guided. The class included breaks for Chinese pu’erh tea, adding a touch of camaraderie and mindfulness to the practice.
One particular movement, “Carry Tiger to Mountain,” resonated deeply with Lefevre. She likened her grief to the tiger she was learning to carry, a metaphor for the memories and pain she sought to manage. The focused practice of tai chi required complete attention, allowing her to temporarily quiet her anxious thoughts and immerse herself in the movements.
Lefevre’s commitment to tai chi deepened over time. She attended classes multiple times a week, finding solace in the practice as winter approached. The physical demands of tai chi prompted her to reconnect with her body, reinforcing her awareness of the physical manifestations of her emotional state. The gradual learning of tai chi’s 108-move set fostered a sense of accomplishment and community, as participants supported one another in their journeys.
Lou Reed, the iconic musician, also found healing through tai chi, crediting the practice with transforming his life after years of struggle with substance abuse. In his writings, Reed expressed the profound impact tai chi had on his physical and spiritual well-being, urging others to explore its benefits. He practiced with dedication, even incorporating tai chi into his performances.
As Lefevre continued her practice, she experienced a shift in her emotional landscape. She found herself crying less frequently, as the movements of tai chi soothed her feelings of grief. Her journey mirrored the sentiments of Levy and Didion, illustrating how engaging with one’s body through movement can foster healing.
Tai chi requires patience and persistence, with its benefits becoming more apparent over time. Research supports the idea that even a short-term commitment to tai chi can lead to improved cognitive function and overall well-being, particularly in older adults facing cognitive challenges.
Lefevre, now nearly eight months into her practice, has begun to notice subtle changes in her daily life—better posture, increased calmness, and enhanced balance. While she may not yet feel the chi, the energy she seeks is slowly becoming a part of her experience. With each class, she continues to carry her metaphorical tiger to the mountain, embracing the journey of healing and self-discovery through tai chi.
In a world filled with uncertainty, Lefevre’s story highlights the potential of tai chi to foster resilience and peace. As she navigates her personal challenges, the ancient art offers her a pathway towards understanding, healing, and a renewed connection with her body and spirit.
