Nikki Glaser, known for her sharp wit and celebrity roasts, revealed the brutal jokes she had to cut from her 2026 Golden Globes opening monologue. During an appearance on The Howard Stern Show, Glaser shared the humorous yet biting remarks that did not make the final cut, giving audiences a glimpse into her creative process and the challenges of live performances.
In her monologue, Glaser took aim at various celebrities, including a notable jab at **Leonardo DiCaprio**. She humorously remarked, “What a career you’ve had. The most impressive thing is that you’ve been able to accomplish all of this before your girlfriend turned 30.” This quip reflects Glaser’s signature style, combining humor with social commentary on DiCaprio’s dating history.
Jokes That Didn’t Make the Cut
Among the jokes Glaser chose not to deliver was a reference to **Sydney Sweeney**’s film, where she played a lesbian character. Glaser mentioned, “Tonight is a night of celebration, but we can’t ignore that it’s a weird time in Hollywood. If you don’t believe me, there was a movie this year where Sydney Sweeney played a lesbian who just bounced around in tiny shorts for two hours and it made **$14**.” This comment pointed to the disappointing box office performance of Sweeney’s film, which grossed **$1.3 million** (approximately **AUD $2 million**) in its opening weekend, according to Forbes.
Glaser also addressed the rise of artificial intelligence in entertainment through a joke about **Tilly Norwood**, the first fully AI-generated actress. She quipped that Norwood had “somehow still been sexually assaulted by three different studio execs,” highlighting ongoing concerns about the treatment of women in the industry.
Another target of Glaser’s humor was **Sean Penn**, who she described as “the defiant last tree standing in a rainforest” and noted his prominent neck veins. Ultimately, Glaser opted to forgo these comments, preferring a gentler approach by complimenting Penn for “slowly morphing into a sexy leather handbag.”
A Range of Celebrity Roasts
Glaser’s humor continued with additional barbs aimed at other celebrities. She remarked, “Leo, why are you always squinting? I mean, I assume it’s to read your girlfriend’s ID. Just making sure that the year starts with a two,” in another jab at DiCaprio’s dating choices.
Her commentary extended to **Amy Poehler**, whose podcast, *Good Hang*, provided a punchline: “Amy Poehler is here for her podcast, Good Hang, which is what **Timothée Chalamet** says after sex.”
Glaser also poked fun at **Julia Roberts** for her nomination in *After The Hunt*, joking, “I don’t know what it’s about but I’m assuming the hunt was to find someone who’s seen it.” Meanwhile, she noted the historical significance of **Jonathan Bailey** being named *PEOPLE* magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive, saying, “At first I was like, ‘Do we really need to say openly?’ And then I looked at the list of past winners and I was like, ‘Oh yeah, we do.’”
In reflecting on the jokes she had to cut, Glaser admitted that it was not always easy to let go. “Things do live on in some way, and maybe sometimes a joke is just for the room,” she explained. She acknowledged that there are moments when jokes can hurt people’s feelings, leading her to ultimately accept that not every idea will make it to the stage.
Glaser’s monologue at the Golden Globes was filled with memorable moments, including a notable reference to **Jeff Goldblum**. She joked that he was at the event not because of a nomination but because they were shooting an advertisement for Apartments.com nearby.
Additionally, Glaser took a playful jab at **Brad Pitt**, questioning why a 60-year-old man can portray a race car driver while women over 35 are often relegated to roles as tired mothers. “When a man turns 60, he gets to play a race car driver. Meanwhile, after 35 every role for a woman is tired mom who hates her life,” she remarked, highlighting the disparities in Hollywood.
As Glaser continues to refine her craft, her willingness to share the behind-the-scenes process offers fans an intriguing look at the balance between humor and sensitivity in comedy. Her ability to adapt and create new material reflects her talent as one of the leading voices in contemporary comedy.
